All of us have certain things that we hate to do. Sure, we grin and bear it. But, if pushed to offer an option, we will be the first to say that we despise something. For me, that something is the dishwasher.
A little context as we jump into this rant: I am a stay at home dad. I do things to make money, but my primary occupation is being at home to take care of things, like getting my kids on and off the bus. This also means I take care of many household chores. At this point, I will freely admit that I am not always the best at this job. I am often lazy and can't seem to find the motivation to get things done. For some reason, motivation and I are in a continual game of “hide and seek” he it is always winning. Nevertheless, things like laundry, cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming often fall under this job description.
That being said, one of the most annoying jobs that I have to do is the dreaded dishwasher. I don't really know what it is exactly, but I know I hate. Whenever I hear my wife starting it I feel a cringe up my back. Or, if I hear those four little words, “I started the dishwasher!”, I imagine running off to a land where no one ever washes a dish. (I'm not sure if they just buy new dishes or just don't use dishes at all. I haven't worked out all the details of this magical land quite yet.)
My Top Reasons for Hating the Dishwasher
After thinking on it a while, I have come up with the following list of reasons why I hate the dishwasher. Join me for this gripe fest, won't you?
1. The Never Ending Story
Remember that movie from the 80's called “The Never Ending Story?” I don't remember too much about it except for that dog-like, flying creature. To be honest, it kind of gave me the creeps. Regardless, this is what I feel the dishwasher is to me. Never ending…
Because of the nature of its job, I feel like I am always doing something with the dishwasher. Loading it. Unloading it. Checking if there is a dish I need in it. Checking to see if I put a dirty dish in a clean rack. You know…the usual.
It is relentless. I never seem to get a break from it. The bathroom seems to stay clean for at least a few days. The laundry can pile up for a week or so. Even the trash has the decency to leave me alone until it is full. But, not the dishwasher. Oh no, it calls to me all the time. Like a song I hear in my nightmares but can't seem to get out of my head.
2. A Visually Impaired Labyrinth
Another old and cheesy movie reference. Stick with me folks…this is my base…
Whenever I open the dishwasher, especially when it has just been cleaned, it is like a maze of things inside there. I have a general idea of where things are. Well, a general idea of where things SHOULD BE anyway. That is, until the jets start running and everything gets shifted around like my stomach on the teacups at Disney.
Cups here, plates there. And, forget trying to grab one thing at a time. My hands grope around trying to determine what is left to dry and put away. “Did I miss a cup?” “Wasn't that blue plate in here? You know, the one I used for leftovers liast night?” It's like trying to fid a needle in a haystack. Actually, it's more like trying to find a certain piece of hay in a haystack. Grab a bunch of hay and have fun!
3. A Load Of…
I don't know about you, but I am married to someone who knows how to best load a dishwasher. I'm not sure where she got this skill but she clearly has been blessed with it. At least, that is my perception. The problem is, I come to a very hard spot. Either I don't load the dishwasher and let her do it, or I had it and have her rearrange it. Which is the right answer? Clearly the second one, but man is it annoying!
Why is it annoying? Good question. I can't really say for sure. But, I know that if I go into the kitchen and she is putting a plate in a different place then where I put it, it drives me up the wall. And, sadly, this has nothing to do with my lack of sight. Sure, I'd love to blame it on that, but unfortunately I cannot. No, simply put…I suck and loading the dishwasher. I just don't have the “knack” to make as many dishes fit in there as possible and still have them get clean. Sure, I can cram a bunch in there. But, they al come out looking worse for some reason.
4. Put That Away
When it comes to the opposite chore of unloading the dishwasher, I'm not a fan of this either. After all, I have to check that all the dishes are clean and dry. Having slightly less than 20-20 vision can cause this job to be extra hard. True, I can feel if it is wet. And, I can feel if therein a big glob of tuna casserole on there. But, sometimes, it's not so much the big globs that are the hard part. It is when the pot has a layer of film that didn't get demolished. Or when cups have that little bit of coffee stain at the bottom. No one likes to get a dish out only to find that it is still dirty. But, those are the breaks when you live with someone who can't see well.
The Battle Rages On
No matter the case, I still have to deal with loading and unloading the dishwasher. Everyday is a new day to find out what the dishwasher will demand of me next. But, it is a battle that I will continue to have. If I don't, I'll have a whole new battle on my hands.
Dishwasher…you don't look that bad after all.